No thanks, no Target card today
Saturday, June 10, 2006

Note to Reddit readers: This is satire/sarcasm. Please do not take this seriously.

Discover Card called me the other day. They wanted to know if I was interested in becoming a card holder with them again. I told them that if they could find a card that could beat the features of our current credit card, then I would consider it. Our current card gives us 2% cash back on purchases. This rate blows the Discover Card cash back rate out of the water. With a Discover Card I can get up to 1% cash back on all purchases. Let me express a resounding "woopdydo." Not only is their cash back percentage a full percentage point lower than my current card, but their cash back percentage is tiered. By tiered I mean that I have to spend $3000 before my purchases even earn 1%. Until that point, my purchases yield me only .25% and .50% respectively. Hmm, I wonder . . . do I want to go back to Discover?

Anyway, when I told the sales lady the benefits of my card, she seemed dumbfounded, yet she was courageous enough (or perhaps naive enough) to actually try to persuade me to become a customer. While praising her company's fraud protection, 0$ liability program, and other benefits, I simply kept repeating that my credit card company offered all those things as well. After she finally stopped for a breath, I asked her, "If my credit card has better features than Discover Card, why would I switch?" She responds, "Uhh, well I don't know."

Well lady, the choice seems pretty obvious to me. Do I want to get back $50 back per year or $350 back per year? Do I want to rent the Ford Focus, or get my rental upgraded to a Chrysler Sebring? Do I want to get the $6.99 meal at KFC, or do I want the $30.00 New York Strip? The thing is, this isn't the first time this sort of insanity has happened with businesses. I remember not long ago when I called in to cancel my Discover Card, I was on the phone for twenty minutes listening to a sales representative try to trick me into keeping my card. She would go on a long spiel and then, like a chipmunk on caffeine, she would say, "So let's go ahead and keep that account open, OK?" She probably hoped that I wasn't paying attention, and therefore would mindlessly respond "that's fine" just to get her to shut up. Too bad for her that it didn't work. As a highly educated American, I was too quick for her complex marketing approaches. That sort of psychological manipulation may work on Japanese or Chinese people, but not on the lightning fast mental capacity of an American.

So I simply ask, what is with these businesses? Don't they understand that no means no? Is there someone standing over them with a bazooka pointed to their heads forcing them to assault customers with questions? No, we don't want a credit card, no we don't want to super-size, no we don't want to upgrade our oil change service, no we don't want to by car rental insurance, and no we DON'T WANT A TARGET CARD!

I think a law should be passed that requires anybody who wants to make a "special" offer to ask permission before they open their mouths. "Would you be interested in --" The consumer steps in: "No, sorry you didn't ask permission. That is against the law." Multiple offenses could be reported to the local government. Too many offenses could result in company fines. Hey, there is sexual harassment, right? Well why not solicitous harassment?

posted by msacras @ 12:28 PM,

8 Comments:

At 7:17 PM, Blogger Grande Andy said...

What credit card do you have that gives 2% back? Please let me know as I want to switch. Thanks.

 
At 7:40 PM, Blogger Sriram said...

Please reveal which credit card you use - I think I will be interested too.

 
At 8:14 PM, Blogger msacras said...

It's Household Bank, but unfortunately I don't think they are offering the 2% cash back bonus right now. Sorry. =(

 
At 9:18 PM, Blogger Ian said...

While I certainly share in your frustration from invasive marketing practices, I feel compelled to question the relevance and appropriateness of the nationality issue you raised to your argument.

 
At 10:07 PM, Blogger msacras said...

I'm sorry to have offended you. Perhaps my sarcasm isn't as clear as I thought it was. =)

 
At 5:43 PM, Blogger Ian said...

Oh, I wasn't offended. It just stuck out at me and I didn't pick up on the sarcasm at the time. :D

 
At 12:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey.... you can review and apply online for credit card here. It is free!

 
At 1:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was wondering how my neighbour could save a fortune on her credit cards. Now I too have the secret.

 

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